Friday, April 8, 2011

Of Brussel Sprouts and Burn Barrels...

 "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad...I simply remember my list of things I don't like and then I don't feel sooooooooooo bad...."

Running around my mind lately has been this list of things that I dislike strongly. Mom said 'hate' is not a good word. We shouldn't hate. So, this is a list of things I really really don't like, understand, or that annoy me. It could be longer, but I try to be a positive optimistic person.

10: Tramp Stamps...not being a big fan of tatoos anyway, why would someone, namely females, spend money to permanently color their lower back with eagles or hawks or something large that is only nastier when it shows along with their red or blue thong because when they bend over their jeans run too low! Ick. Not sexy. 

9.  Brussel Sprouts...this vegetable is wrong. Enough said. 
                             {Really? Is this on Martha Stewart's door}

8. Chin Hair...on women. Is this a direct correlation to my thinning eyebrows? I'm a tweezer nazi because of said chin hair, but those women who let them grow into 8 inchers? Or have a whole herd grazing below their lower lip? Nasty! Get a magnifying mirror or some Nair!

7. Ear Wax...someone invented Q-tips so no one else would have to see yellow nastiness hanging around your ear hole! I do not like to see it! These people usually have long dirty fingernails too. The two go together.

6. Long Fingernails...on men. See above. Would you want these caressing you?  

5. People who sniff, sniff, sniff...instead of blowing their nose! Worse, they hold a Kleenex up to their nose to wipe, but don't blow, and keep on sniffing! Blow for heaven's sake! Get the snot out! Those of us around you are going insane because YOU don't blow. Please!

4. Knee Hi Nylons...that lose their elastic and become anklets! Not a good look when you cross your legs and see the great expanse of white flesh uncovered because of wilted knee hi nylons! It's worse when you forget to throw them away and you wear them again! Grrr.

3. Burn Barrels...really? In 2011? Well, in any year. P.U. Pay for garbage pick up. Take it to the dump. Put it in your neighbor's can. Don't sit around it like it's a camp fire with a beer in one hand and a s'more stick in the other.  

2. Dog Poop...I am a dog lover, an over the top dog lover, but I hate their poop. It's big (even Gracie June's is too big), SMELLY, and is always in the wrong place like hidden land mines. Dogs would be perfect if they didn't poop or shed.  Just sayin...

And the number 1 thing???

1. Toilet Lid Covers...that are fringy, like shag rugs. Usually they match the rug at the base of the toilet  and the tank as well, and come in colors such as pink or mint green. This makes me think the toilet seat will be warm and sort of spongy. Gives you the creeps doesn't it?